“Asiklar guvensizlik hissettiklerinde, yapici olmayan sekilde davranma egilimi gosterirler, ya hosa gitmeye calisirlar, ya denetimi almaya calisirlar, hatta fiziksel olarak kavga ettikleri de olur. Butun bunlar buyuk ihtimalle partneri kaciracaktir. Guvensizlik bir kez isin icine karistiginda, serinkanli, akliselim ve sakin davranmak imkansiz olur. Akintiya kapilan iliskinin dumensiz, dayaniksiz sandali, bir cok iliskinin batma tehlikesi gecirdigi, adi kotuye cikmis iki kaya arasinda yalpalar durur: tam boyun egme ve tam iktidar, uysalca riza gosterme ve kustah fetih, kendi ozerkligini ortadan kaldirma ve partnerinkini zapt etme. Bu kayalardan birine carpmak, yedek parca caginda buyumus ve tamir sanatini ogrenme firsati bulamamis yeni yetme bir gemiciyi tasiyan bir sal soyle dursun, gayet iyi giden ve deneyimli bir murettebata sahip bir teknenin bile parcalanmasina yeter. Hicbir modern denizci, denizde yol alacak durumda olmayan bir ogeyi tamir etmek icin bir dakika bile kaybetmez: Yedegiyle onu hemen degistirmek ister. Ama iliskilerin salinda yedek parca bulunmaz.” Akiskan Ask
“When lovers feel insecure, they tend to behave unconstructively, either trying to please or trying to control perhaps even lashing out physically — all are likely to drive the lover away. Once insecurity creeps in, navigation is never confident, thoughtful and steady. Rudderless, the frail raft of relationship sways between one and the other of the two ill-famed rocks on which many a partnership flounders: total submission and total power, meek acceptance and arrogant conquest, effacing one's own autonomy and stifling the autonomy of the partner. Hitting either of the two rocks would wreck even a shipshape boat with a seasoned crew — let alone a raft carrying an inexperienced sailor who, having been brought up in the spare-parts era, never had a chance to learn the art of damage repair. None of the up-to-date sailors would waste time on repairing the part that is no longer seaworthy and would rather put a spare in its place.But on the raft of relationship, spares are not available.”


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