“Ben hep 'Ya yapamazsam?' diye dusunurum. Sonra da hep,'Of, kahretsin, boyle dusunme,'diye dusunurum. Cunku bir seyi dusunmek o seyin gerceklesmesine yol acabilir. Bu, cok SIK olmuyor belki. Ama olmasindan korkuyorum. Hepimiz korkariz. Korkmadigini soyleyene inanmayin. Olabilir diye korkarlar aslinda. Sonra ben hep ' Bu kiz burada olmasaydi bu konuda kaygilanmazdim bile,' diye dusunurum. Sonra da sinirlenirim. Sanki benden bir sey bekleniyormus gibi gelir. Orada oyle beklentiyle yatmasa , meraklanmasa ve beni degerlendirir gibi olmasa, hic farkina varmam sanirim. Sonra neredeyse ofkelenirim. Oyle ofkelenirim ki , yapip yapamayacagima aldirmayi birakirim. Ona gununu gostermek istermisim gibi. 'Tamam o zaman, surtuk bunu sen istedin.' gibisinden. Sonrasinda her sey yolunda gider.'' David Foster Wallace, Igrenc Adamlarla Kisa Gorusmeler
“Sometimes it's like, I think, "Hey, what if I can't?' And then I think, "Oh, shit, don't think that," you know, 'cause thinking can make it happen. Not that it happens that often, but I get scared about it. We all do. Anybody tells you different is full of shit. You can tell 'em I said so. It's like, I always think, you know, "I wouldn't even be worried about it if she wasn't here." It's like she's expecting something. You know, that if she wasn't lying there, expecting it, wondering, like, evaluating, it wouldn't even occur to me. You know, and then I get kind of pissed off. I get so pissed off, I don't give a shit anymore, "Can l, or can I not?' I just want to show her up. You know, and then it's like, "All right. "You asked for it. "Here we go, bitch. Here we go!" What does today's woman want? That's the big one.”


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